This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
