Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize