Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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