WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your cock deserves a montage
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
