It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
