Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
