I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
