thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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