Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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