If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
