And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize