i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
