I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
