I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
