come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
