i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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