when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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