I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize