did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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