he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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