my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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