I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
