dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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