you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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