that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
