yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
