She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
