I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Someone shattered a urinal.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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