I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
