My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize