Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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