so that wasnt chicken after all
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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