Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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