I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
