K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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