He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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