Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
