I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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