I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
