dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
