I didn't shave. On purpose
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
