The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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