I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
