i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
