Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
