I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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