I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize