1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
