I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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