Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize