i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
