I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
