She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
