Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
