dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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