I wish I only lived at night.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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