quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
