dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
