this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
