I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
