apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
