He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
