When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
