hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
