It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
