it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
