Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
