omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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