is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
