YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
