i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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