woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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