eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
