I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
