you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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