just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
