he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize