this beer tastes like vomit already
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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