Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
