I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize