Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need water and some morals
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
