Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Such a big mess for such a small penis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
