He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You took a bar mat shot.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
