I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
