Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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