I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
