im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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