Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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