dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
