i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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